


Waiting for the Love of a Traveling Soldier

by finns_lightsaber



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Drinking, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Letters, M/M, Pre-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, Teenagers, the lost decade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23699410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finns_lightsaber/pseuds/finns_lightsaber
Summary: This fic is starts a month or so after the truck scene in the flashback in 2x05. I place the flashback in mid-july 2008 in my fic, so the fic starts in August 2008. Alex finally tells Michael he enlisted. The fic explores what happened when Alex told Michael and what happened in between those ten years (Alex was deployed 3 times according to the wiki). I don't know much about the military so it will be a little incorrect. Yes, the title is a from a Dixie Chicks song, but some of it applies, ok!Sidenote: I know Bright Eyes was only playing over Max's radio in canon, but it's my canon now. Bright Eyes was playing over the speakers at the museum, too. It's relevant, I promise. Anyways, if my characterization is horrible i'm sorry.Listen to the song too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbfgxznPmZM
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 7
Kudos: 67





	Waiting for the Love of a Traveling Soldier

It was a few days after Alex’s 18th birthday, and Michael was waiting outside the museum for Alex in his old, beaten up truck. He was so nervous that he couldn't stop fidgeting and his heart was pounding like a jackhammer in his chest. Alex seemed to be getting more and more distant after that dreamlike mid-july afternoon in the desert. He knew he would never forget how it felt to kiss Alex Manes, but damn he was going to miss it when it was gone. He would miss watching him strumming his old guitar in the bed of Michael’s truck. 

Michael knew he was scaring him away, but he couldn't stop. God, how he wished he could stop for once in his life. But it’s what he always did. How much of a fucking idiot was he? He wanted to be with Alex more than anything in this world. He made him feel like he wasn't an outsider for once in his piss-poor life. And he was messing it up. Of course he was. He had fucked up his relationship with Max, and now he was fucking up the only thing that made he have hope. Hope is a dangerous thing, though. It could break you. Still, why couldn't he just tell Alex that Michael’s behavior was not his fault? Why couldn't he just tell him the truth? About Rosa, the fights, or even how much he cared about Alex. 

Because it was hard, and he was the most terrified he had ever been that Alex would leave him. Wouldn't be easier if driving Alex away, rather than Alex leaving him for his own reasons? It would be, he told himself. But, fuck, he never wanted Alex to leave. Not that he had the guts to ever tell Alex that. He doubted he ever would. Plus, why would he even tell him that? That would just be setting himself up for rejection. His worst —

He jumped as someone rapped on the passenger side window. His eyes shot towards the sound. There was Alex, in his work uniform, smiling so brightly that Michael thought he was the sun. Alex rarely smiled, but when he did, he could brighten anyone’s day. Still, something felt off to Michael. Alex was turning his visor in his hands nervously. Alex had been getting less confident lately, and it shattered Michael’s heart every time he saw him. He wanted to kill Jesse Manes for doing this to Alex. For making him blame himself for what happened. For finally breaking Alex. Michael shook himself out of his thoughts and popped the lock. 

“Lost in your thoughts?,” Alex said as he slid into the passenger side and raised an eyebrow at Michael, 

Michael looked into Alex’s eyes and his body relaxed. A warm bubble of love swelled in his chest.

“Only because I was thinking about you.”

Alex rolled his eyes at him with a small smile on his face, but looked away. He swallowed loudly. The fear deflated the warm feeling in Michael’s body and a chill began to creep over him. This was it, wasn't it? He shouldn't have expected anything different from Alex. He was so fucking pathetic. Why would anyone stay? But Michael put on a brave face and smirked at Alex. 

“Still want to go to the desert tonight? I’ve been looking forward to it all day.”

That broke the developing apprehensive look on Alex’s face. Alex bit his lip, seemingly trying to suppress a laugh, and looked at Michael with so much love in his pretty, dark eyes.

“Of course I do. It’s the only thing that got me through my shift,” Alex chuckled as he glanced at Michael. 

Michael could look into his eyes all day, no, his whole life, and he would never get tired of them. 

“Think of anything in particular?” Michael said with a shit eating grin. 

“Oh, you know. Stuff.”

Michael knew, but still he pressed Alex.

“Like?”

“Things.”

“What kinds of things?” Michael said with a smirk.

Alex blushed, but stayed silent. God, he was cute.

“Well, when you know what you want, Alex, let me know.” 

He turned the key and started his truck. Alex turned on the radio and found a station he liked. Panic at the Disco was playing. Of course, Michael thought, as a smile danced on his lips. He slipped his hand into Alex’s and rubbed his thumb against Alex’s hand and he relaxed. It felt like coming home after a long day of working at Foster Ranch. 

They talked about mundane things as Michael drove further and further away from Roswell. About how work went. How they had been waiting for this all week. Michael playfully teased Alex’s music taste, even though he actually liked it. But it felt like there was a lot unsaid. So many of their conversations felt like that. Still, all he could think about right now was how Alex looked in the golden light bathing the passenger seat as the sun set. 

Michael parked his truck underneath the same tree he had parked it a month before. They didn't come out here much, but when they did...Michael felt like he could stay there forever. Just him and Alex and the limitless expanse of sky. 

Michael got out and grabbed the blankets from the backseat of his truck and arranged them in the bed of his truck. Alex got out and sat on the edge of the truck bed and looked at Michael as he arranged the blankets. 

“You know you’re going to get cold in that,” Alex pointed out bluntly. 

“Well, it’s a good thing I have someone to keep me warm”

Alex smiled and Michael pulled him close to him as he sat down next to him in the truck bed. He softly kissed Alex’s cheek. Just like he had that afternoon in July. Alex touched Michael’s jaw softly, like he might break Michael, and kissed him lightly. Butterflies swirled in Michael’s stomach. He felt lighter than air. Even a gentle kiss from Alex set every nerve on fire. 

Alex pulled away, but he was still looking at Michael with those warm eyes. Why did he never look away like everyone else? He looked at him like he was otherworldly, which he was, but Alex didn't know that. 

“Hey,” Alex said breathlessly. 

“Yeah?” Michael breathed out.

“Still have that blunt?”

“I’ve been saving it just for you.”

Michael pulled it out from behind his ear and lit it with the lighter he had in his pocket. He took and hit and let the smoke fill his lungs. The smoke filled the dry air of the desert. He held it out to Alex, but before he could take it, Michael held it above his head.

“You sure you want to waste your life, Alex?” he teased. 

“You know. That’s not what I meant. But, sure, I guess tonight I might want to waste my life a  _ little _ .” 

What _ had  _ he meant by it then? Michael brushed the thought away quickly and chuckled. He handed Alex the blunt and watched him smoke. It was a beautiful sight to see. They talked about easy things. Music, books, and just life in general as they passed it between them. Michael wished this could last forever. When they finally finished, they were just the right amount of high. 

Alex laid down and pulled Michael down with him so Michael was tucked into his side. He pulled the blankets around them. They were laying on their backs with the stars spread out above them. Michael pressed his head into the crook of Alex’s neck and breathed in the scent of Alex's cologne. He placed a little kiss there. He loved Alex’s neck. 

“The sky is so beautiful here. I could look at it forever,” Alex murmured in Michael’s ear.

“Fuck, I know. As a kid, I could look at the stars for hours. I wanted someone,  _ anyone _ , to come for me.” 

Alex pulled Michael closer and held him tighter, but didn’t say anything. It was his way of letting Michael know he knew how much he’d been through. Michael told Alex about the constellations and the myths behind them. He was gushing, but he didnt care. As a kid, he was obsessed with the stars because he wanted to find his real home and escape this shitty planet. But if he could stay here with Alex forever, he might have finally have found a place on this planet. Alex listened to every word he said and seemed to drink it all in. Sometimes Alex didn't say much or what he meant, but Michael knew he was listening. He was the only one that did. 

“You’re so smart, Michael. I could listen to you for hours,” Alex giggled.

_ Fuck, he’s pretty high _ . Michael laughed with him, but he didn't want it to get deeper than that. If Alex was talking about how smart he was, he might try to bring up UNM again. So Michael pulled him in for a kiss and another and another. Kissing Alex always felt like a crash landing. He couldn’t stop. But Alex pulled away abruptly.

His face was flushed when he pulled away. Michael let the music coming from the cab of his truck ebb over him. All he could look at was Alex. Not the stars, like he always had. Only Alex. Alex almost looked shy as he bit his lip. 

“Hey, I want to show you something.” Alex said softly, almost like a whisper.

Alex leaned over the side of the truck and grabbed his guitar, which was leaning against the truck. He must have grabbed it when he got out of the truck. He sat at the edge of the truck bed and faced Michael. Michael was laying down and looking up at him, propped on his elbow. His heart was in his throat. Was Alex finally going to sing to him? Sure he’d played for him before. But never sang.

“Are you going to play  _ Wonderwall _ ?” Michael teased with a grin on his face.

“Even I’m not that cliche, Guerin.”

“I don’t think you’re cliche at all.”

Alex began to play, and Michael recognized it immediately, and he choked down a sob. He really didn't deserve Alex Manes. Alex looked at him uncharacteristically shy as he continued. 

“So I don’t know if you remember what song was playing that day in the museum when we had our first kiss. But I thought I’d learn it for you.”

Oh, he remembers. Of course he does. That moment would forever be seared into the back of his mind. Then Alex starts to sing. And it’s the most beautiful thing Michael has ever heard.

“ _ This is the first day of my life _ ,

_ Swear I was born right in the doorway, _

_ I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed, _

_ They're spreading blankets on the beach." _

He remembers how soft Alex’s lips were. The feeling of coming home. How Alex felt pressed against him. He remembers how the glow in the dark stars lit up Alex’s beautiful face. 

_ “Yours was the first face that I saw, _

_ I think I was blind before I met you, _

_ And I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been, _

_ But I know where I want to go.” _

He did know where he wanted to go. For the first time in his life he did. He didn't know until he met Alex. But he knew now. 

Michael kept his eyes on Alex as he continued to sing. He never wavered. Alex wasn't looking at him, he was focusing on his fingers playing the chords. Still, Alex looked emotional. Like he was pouring his heart out, which he was. A thought floated to the top of Michael’s mind.  _ You don’t need to say I love you to say I love you.  _ He’d read in a book somewhere or maybe heard it in a song? It didn't matter. Michael knew what Alex meant. And Michael loved him, too. 

Alex sang the last few lyrics and finally glanced down at Michael. His eyes were misty, but full of love. 

“If you keep looking at me like that, I might start thinking you like me.”

A big, goofy grin broke over Alex’s face.

“Shut up, Guerin.” Alex said through a wide grin.

Alex pulled Michael up and held his face in his hands. Michael never wanted this moment to end. Alex was looking at him like he was the only thing in the world. And Michael felt like Alex and him were the only people on earth. Alex tipped Michael's chin up and pressed a soft kiss into his lips. He pulled away and looked back into Michael's Eyes. Michael just wanted him to say it. Please say it. But he knew Alex wouldn’t. Alex crashed his lips back into Michael’s for a searing kiss. It made Michael burn. And they just couldn't stop. They both were pouring everything they left unspoken between them into their kisses and touches. God Alex loved him, didn't he. It certainly felt like it. Every part of him was on fire, and he loved it.

Later, after they got dressed, Alex started a fire. He told Michael he learned how to while Camping with his dad and Kyle and he had a tightness in his voice. They cuddled next to the fire in their mess of blankets. Alex was playing with Michael’s curls and Michael felt at peace. The storm inside him was quiet for once.

After a while, Alex shifted and reached for his backpack. The apprehensive look from earlier plastered his face once more. Once again, Michael’s heart was in his throat. Here it comes. Alex pulled something out of it. Alex turned back to Michael and handed him a photo. It was a picture of them in the desert from earlier in the summer. Alex looked into the fire.

“I want you to have something to remember me by,” Alex said in a tight voice, like he was trying to hold back tears. 

“What are you trying to say, Alex?” Michael blurted out a little too harshly.

“I-I enlisted. He’s never going to stop hounding me if I don’t serve. Plus, I can’t be here just to be someone's medicine. To screw up other people’s lives” Alex breathed out shakily. 

Michael stood up and threw the blanket to the ground. This can’t be fucking happening. Well, he’d done it. He’d pushed Alex away finally. Made him blame himself for Michael’s mistakes. Made him think he was just using him. He started to pace and he was pulling at his hair. He was so close to losing it. To turning his truck over. Alex was looking at him with the saddest face he’d ever seen. He took a deep breath and steeled himself. He gritted his teeth.

“Finally gonna be a real Manes man now, huh? I hope you make your daddy proud.”

Alex scoffed unbelievingly. He saw right through him, but Michael didn't care right now. He was shaking and tears were running down his face involuntarily. This was all his fucking fault. Him and his dumbass bar fights. Dropping the fucking scholarship because of something he didn’t even do. Alex didn't even know half of it. 

“I leave in two weeks for basic training,” Alex said hallowly, with his knees now curled into his chest defensively. 

“Two fucking weeks, Alex? Why are you telling me now?”

“You realize when you enlist, you don’t get a choice when you start right? I enlisted a few days ago. And I wanted one last day with you” Alex said shakily. 

In the flickering light of the flames, Michael saw Alex was crying, too. 

“You didn't even tell me you were enlisting.” Michael almost hissed. 

“I didn't want you to try to convince me to stay. I don’t want to be the reason you screw up your life, Guerin. “

“You’re not!” 

“You’re a miserable liar,” Alex gritted out while shaking his head. 

Michael shook his head incredulously with tears streaming down his face. He watched as Alex stood and packed up the blankets and his guitar. He put out the fire and then looked at the ground, not meeting Michael’s eyes.

“Is this really how it ends?” 

“Sometimes things just don’t work out. Deal with it, Guerin.” Alex spat out, finally meeting Michael's eyes with a fierce look in his eyes.

Oh,  _ there _ he is. The Alex that Jesse Manes was trying to crush by sending to war. Michael wanted to scream. To break things. But he just nodded his head and scrunched up his face. He probably was never going to see that Alex again. He turned his back on Alex and got in his truck. Alex followed a few seconds later and closed the truck door harshly. 

They drove home in silence. The rain that had started a few minutes into the drive pounding the windows. Of course the one day it rains in the fucking desert is today of all days. One of the worst days of Michael Guerin’s shitty life, and that’s saying something. Alex was leaning against the window with tears still in his eyes. Michael was trying to memorize the lines of his jaw, the swoop of his hair, and soft hands. He kept glancing over at him, but Alex never noticed. Michael could feel the picture burning a hole in his pocket. He knew one thing for sure: he would never let go of it. It was the one thing that tied him to the Alex Manes Jesse killed. 

He stops a few blocks from Alex’s house so Jesse doesn't catch them together again. Michael watches intensely as Alex hops out of the truck and the rain drenches him. His hair is sticking to his forehead and Alex is staring at Michael like all he wants to do is stay and tell him he loves him, but he doesn't. He never does. 

“Maybe you can say goodbye to me at the bus station, if you want. I’ll write to you, I promise... goodbye, Guerin,” Alex says raspily with a little nod looking straight into Michael's eyes with all the love in the world.

And Michael watches the only person he ever loved walk away in the gloom of the rainy night, his silhouette reflected in the puddles on the street lamp lit street. His steps echoing in the quiet night. 

* * *

Michael doesn't remember many days leading up to Alex leaving for the first time. He gets rip roaring drunk with his fake ID and gets into fights almost nightly. He had barely spoken to Max. Max didn't even know he took the job at Foster Ranch yet. But he does remember the day Alex Manes leaves. He remembers seeing Kyle Valenti’s new car and getting an idea. Michael knows he could never let Alex leave if he sees him off at the bus station, so he does the logical thing. He steals that asshole Valenti’s hubcaps.

Eating at the Crashdown with Max the day Alex left was a bad idea. Michael is bouncing his leg up and down just itching to be arrested by Valenti’s parents. Time was ticking. Everything Max was saying was blurring together. God, he wanted to see Alex so bad. But he couldn't let himself do that. He could never let him go if he did. He needed to be arrested soon. Max’s voice came back into focus. 

“Are you trying to get arrested?” Max said incredulously.

Yes, he was. 

* * *

Michael moves into an airstream at Foster Ranch. It isn't much, but it is his. He has his own bed at least, even if it is small. In his airstream, he also has a decently sized cardboard box, where he keeps his most precious things: the console piece, pictures of Max and Isobel, and of course the picture Alex gave him. 

He gets his first letter from Alex a month or so after he started boot camp. There isn't much in it. Alex just tells Michael about what he is learning and how the experience has been. But, hey it’s something. Michael puts it into his box. He writes back to Alex and tells him about his job and his new living situation.

* * *

When Michael gets a letter from Alex telling him he’s being deployed to Iraq for the first time Michael can’t handle it at all. Is this what a boy who just wanted to play music gets? Deployed in a fucking war started by Bush and his cronies. He still puts the letter in the box. He tells Alex about Max joining the police academy and Isobel’s new boyfriend, Noah. 

There was no need for a fake ID this time. Michael goes to Saturn’s Ring and gets blackout drunk. He wakes up in his bed with a tourist and an empty feeling in his chest. No amount of sex or booze could make him forget the aching feeling in his chest.

* * *

His love for Alex feels like something that will never die, not that he would tell Alex that. It sometimes rises up in his chest so strongly, he feels like he could drown in it. He has that feeling in his chest tonight. He is covered in sweat and his hands are caked in dust from a long day at the ranch, but he doesn't care because a letter from Alex arrived. Sitting on the bed, he reads as Alex tells him about his deployment coming to an end. How he was going on leave soon and would be in Roswell for a month before getting another assignment at a base somewhere in the states. He tells Michael that he hopes he sees him. The letter goes into the box. Michael tells Alex he hopes he sees him, too.

Michael walks into the Wild Pony a few weeks later and finds Alex drinking a beer with Maria and Mimi. His eyeliner, earring, and nose ring are gone. His hair was neat. Just what his father wanted. A prim and proper son. But Alex still has this aura to him, an aura of defiance. Yes, it is less noticeable, but it’s there. And, fuck, Alex still looks like the sun to him. 

Michael does not approach him, but he stays in Alex’s orbit. He orders too many tequila shots and plays pool while flirting with a girl named Jen. He  _ wants _ Alex to notice. And he doesn't even know why. Does he want to piss him off and push him away? Does he want him to be jealous? He wants both. He wants to see Alex angry. Michael wants him to stand up for himself. He wants him to push Michael against the wall and kiss him like he did that day in the desert. Alex looks too good for his own good in his jean jacket, red button up, black jeans, and converse. 

As it gets later, the bar fills up, Maria and Mimi are busy, and Alex is nowhere to be seen. As soon as Jen leaves to go to the bathroom, he feels a strong hand grab his arm and spin him around. A smirk dances across Michael’s lips

“Well, hello there, private,” Michael says as he quirks an eyebrow, “back from Baghdad so soon?”

“Are you trying to piss me off?” Alex says looking straight into Michael’s eyes.

“I do my best.” Michael laughs as he meets Alex’s eyes. 

“Two can play at that game, Guerin. Just so you know there have been other guys for me, too.” Alex says bluntly. 

That just makes Michael’s grin wider. Oh, Alex is _ pissed _ . The beers made him easier to set off. So Michael leans in close and whispers in Alex’s ear.

“But were they as good as me.”

“I might need a refresher on that one.” Alex whispers back breathlessly. 

Michael starts to walk towards the door and glances back at Alex.

“Want to go for a ride, private?”

Alex just laughs and rolls his eyes, but he follows Michael out of the door of the Wild Pony. They walk in silence side by side and they slide into the truck. It’s disorienting to see Alex in the place Michael last saw him. The neon lights from the Wild Pony sign were lighting up Alex’s face. It reminded of seeing Alex’s skin glowing from the sun set on their last day together. He looked like an angel. And Alex was looking at him like he had so much to say, but was not saying it. He never would tell Michael what he wanted, but Michael could read Alex’s face like a book. Their love was never going to die no matter how much they tried to screw it up, was it?

“I can’t believe you still have this truck,” Alex says with a wistful look on his face. 

The truth is neither did Michael. It was a piece of shit that broke down constantly. But there were too many memories in it. Some of the best days of his life were spent in a truck bed with Alex. And Michael thinks Alex knows that. That  _ is  _ what Alex is implying. 

“Well, you know, I’m not  _ exactly _ making an Air force Salary.”

“How is that by the way? Working at Foster Ranch?”

Michael shrugged.

“Honestly, I like it there. I’m good at it and I’ve always loved the place anyways.”

There was a softness in Alex’s eyes. Did he remember what he told him? About the stars and how he wished for a family?

“I’m glad, Guerin...I really am.” Alex says with a sad smile. 

And it’s back. That charged air between them. That cosmic force pulling them together like magnets. Alex pats his knees.

“So you promised me a ride. Where are going to take me?”

Michael wished he could say the desert. He wanted to spend all night in the back of his truck with Alex, but that place felt too sacred. He might fall even deeper in love with Alex if they went there. But maybe he could show Alex his home. 

“My trailer. If that’s good enough for you.”

“I’ve been wanting to see it anyway.”

Michael parks the truck in front of his airstream. And Alex is looking at him like Michael is all he wants. Michael could kiss him right now. 

“Want to make a fire? I’ll get us some beers.” 

Alex nods and gets out of the truck to search for some firewood. By the time Michael comes out of his trailer with a few beers, Alex has made a decent fire.

“Still a boy scout, I see.”

Alex gives him a boy scout salute. What a cheeky bastard. Fuck, he loves him. They talk and drink for what seems like hours. The music ebbing from Michael’s radio and his string lights make the night seem magical. And they talk and talk like they’ve never talked before. They both knew where this was going, so why were they dragging it out? Michael guesses that they both wanted to be drunk enough to say this was a harmless one night stand. That it didn't mean anything when in reality it meant everything. They get closer and closer as the night goes on. Their knees knock and hands brush and suddenly Alex pulls him into a bruising kiss. One that leaves Michael breathless. And they can never stop once they start. They find themselves kissing desperately as they make their way to the airstream. It’s the best feeling in the world. Alex crowds Michael against the door of his trailer and bites at his lip. Fuck, this will be the end of him. His skin feels electric. He can feel every part of Alex pressed against him. Michael presses soft kisses into the crook of Alex’s neck. All he can see is Alex. That’s all he ever wanted.

Michael wakes up with Alex curled up beside him and never wants to leave his bed, but he does. He makes Alex an omelet and they eat together. Alex says it never can happen again. But it does. It happens so much over the next month that they really can’t say it's meaningless, but they do. It’s the only way they know how to tell each other how they feel without the risk of rejection. 

The morning Alex leaves for his assignment at a new base, Michael wakes up to a warm, but an empty bed. On the pillow Alex left a note. Michael put that in his box, too. 

* * *

When Alex is deployed for a second time all Michael feels is empty. His chest aches. Alex never will stay as long as he is in the military. At least not permanently. They still write once and awhile, but lately it hurts talking to Alex. Still, those letters go in the box, too.

But, of course, when Alex finally gets leave they find their way back to each other. They always do. Alex is his beacon. He was always drawn to him. He will always love him, but he never would say it. It hurt too much.

* * *

By the time Alex is deployed to Iraq for a third time, Michael is tired. Tired of worrying about Alex constantly, but he does. Alex’s letters scare him for the first time. Things seem to be escalating and Alex tells him of all the things he is scared of. Alex tells him that when it was getting particularly bloody, he thought about that night in the desert, before it all went wrong, when they were looking at the stars in Michael’s truck bed. He told Michael how he could listen to him rant about constellations for his rest of his life. And how everytime he closed his eyes he saw Michael smiling at him that day during that mid-july afternoon in the desert. Michael tells him about how he still hears Alex singing to him so vividly. That letter goes in the box, too.

A few months after Alex’s last letter, Michael gets a call from a number he doesn't know. He usually doesn't pick up, but something tells him to. It’s Alex. His voice is gravelly and he sounds weak, but all Michael cares about is that he is alive. Alex tells him about the IED. About how scared he was. About surgery. How much he missed Michael. How hard it was to get used to having one leg. And then a heavily drugged Alex whispers something Michael thinks he wasn't meant to hear. 

“Loving you is the easiest thing in the world. I hope you know that.”

* * *

When Alex is permanently stationed in Roswell, Michael hopes their little dance they’ve been in for ten years finally will become something. The night of the reunion was magical, but Alex pushed him away this morning. Still, Michael knew Alex was  _ just _ pushing him away. He had told him he loved him, even if he didn't remember. It’s not that he didn’t care. It was something else that Michael wished he could figure out. 

And he wanted Alex so bad. He would risk anything to be with him. He realized that when Isobel asked him if there was someone he would risk everything for at the Pony. All he can remember is Alex’s gaze burning into his from across the room. It's seared into his memory.

The next morning, all Michael can think about is Alex. Isobel got into his head. Alex was the one person he would drop everything for. Nostalgia really is a bitch, huh. As he begins to pack up the airstream for the move back to Sander’s, he finds his box. He finds the photo Alex gave him that night first. And all he can do is stare. He looks at his broken hand. Jesse Manes really messed this all up in the first place. Those teenagers had their whole lives ahead of them, but now they were limited by their circumstances. War had changed Alex into someone who acted  _ so _ controlled for the sake of others and Michael was no longer that ambitious kid in that photo, he was unrecognizable. 

Then he finds the letters. Years worth of them. And, somehow, Michael knows him and Alex will find their way back together someday. They always have. It was something cosmic. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at bisexualalienss.tumblr.com! Thank you for reading this. I posted my fic on tumblr as well.


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